Clients from Hell
Me: “OK, let’s start by opening your web browser.”
Client: “Web browser? Oh, you mean Internet Explorer?”
Me: “Sure, that’ll work. Now you’re going to click on the web address window at the top of your browser and type in…”
Client: “Wait, wait, slow down. What do you mean by click?”
Me: “… like, click with your mouse button.”
Client: “Mouse button? What? Man, this is really confusing.”
Clients from Hell
Client: “Yes but it’s not moving when I move the mouse. I’m using a mousepad and everything!”
Me: “Look underneath the mouse. Does it have a ball or a light?”
Client: “Underneath? The ball is on top!”
Me: “Please turn the mouse right-side-up, so the ball is facing the ground.”
Clients from Hell
Client: The draft looks great. However, since we are marketing this website to college age students, it is important that the background changes all the time. At least once a week, so that they don’t get bored. College students love the internet, y’know? They expect something new every time they visit a website. It should switch to things like a blackboard, laptop, desk.. things like that. I should also mention that we have no budget for this. Please find a way to do this for no money.
Clients from Hell
Designed a simple web banner for their etsy shop and a few days later…
Client: “The banner looks terrible its all fuzzy and you cant read it.”
Me: “Thats odd because Im looking at your etsy shop now and it looks great.”
Client: ”No not that one, I also had it printed into a 1.5 meter long banner to hang over my stall at the market. Looks horrible!”
Clients From Hell
Client: “That’s way too much money to charge for an email campaign. It’s not hard to put a few graphics in an email.”
Me: “I charge based off of my regular hourly rate and that’s how long it will take to complete the project.”
Client: “Forget it. We’ll just do it in house. We have a copy of Dreamweaver.”
[Phone call 2 weeks later]
Client: “Can you talk for a second?”
Me: “Sure.”
Client: “OK. We made that email campaign, but I can’t figure out why all of the links take me to the unsubscribe page.”
Me: “I’m not sure. Is this a test email you’re talking about? I can finish the project for you based on my hourly rate.”
Client: “Well…no. We already sent it.”
The client sent an email campaign to a list of 74,000 customers with every link in the email being a one-click unsubscribe.
